ihatesundaysyndrome

Things I used to love but I am starting to hate:

• laundry

• Chipotle

• rom-coms

• casual reading

• Sundays

This list is not extensive, and I will probably change my mind on most of them tomorrow, but I cannot get over my new found hatred for Sundays.

I used to LOVE a Sunday.

Crisp air, fall candle, white noise of the NFL broadcast and a family dinner. In college it was the same -- a reset day and a lounging day with roommates that became family.

In this new phase of life I have not quite mastered my Sunday.

Every Sunday at 10pm I remember my dog died and I cry, grieve him, my childhood, and fear for the week of law school ahead. Not actually fear the week ahead, but mentally exhaust and prepare for the hundreds of pages of reading that are still before me --after I spent all day reading.

My family is closer now but on Sundays it feels far. My siblings are at school, I am in Boston and my baby brother is home.

In a home that probably feels empty.

A home that was filled with 8 little feet and 8 paws running around -- now two feet and four paws. Noise is settled, the house is clean, and dinner is portioned half of what it used to be.

I think about my house and if the walls could talk I know they'd miss us. They'd miss Mickey.

Sundays are also the biggest boyfriend days.

Picnics, relaxing, brunch, meet-cutes all happening on Sundays at a flower shop, church or farmer's market. Love is everywhere but inside our apartment it feels like.

On Sundays I yearn for a yearner.

I yearn and hold hope because it feels so certain it's meant to happen for me. So certain that I believe I'm chasing love I found in another life.

I yearn for my old Sundays.

The ones at home watching a winning Patriots team led by Tom Brady, morning field hockey practices followed by attending my siblings sporting events, and a guaranteed massive family dinner with uncles, aunts, and cousins.

My Pops would be sitting on the couch, the game would be on, and the house was full.

That house is sold and I am homesick for a kitchen I will never cook pancakes with my Vovo in again. I am homesick for their pool I will never swim in again, and for stories my Pops will never share again.

I get homesick for hugs I won't ever receive from my Nana, and their house that will never see our Christmas family gathering again.

I am homesick for a dog I will never walk again, and homesick for the college apartment I will never live in again.

Homesickness + nostalgia + grief + no boyfriend = ihatesundaysyndrome

That's how it feels. I spiral on Sundays.

If this is you, know I feel the same.

Implement something fun on Sundays. A good coffee, a FaceTime set aside for family, a healthy grocery run that makes you feel good, an NFL game - whatever it may be. Utilize your Sunday for something good. A reset that may look different but could feel the same.

Homesicknesses is actually beautiful. It is a positive to love something so much you feel physically sick when you are away from it. Most don't have the privilege to love their home in that way. Nostalgia and grief are the same. We are blessed to have memories to hold on to and people, places, and pets to miss.

Truthfully, the boyfriend thing is specific for single girls. From experience, keep growing, learning, and loving on yourself. Yearning just means we are ready for greatness - don't settle for less than.

Here's to flipping the script.

The prescription for ihatesundaysyndrome lies within ourselves.

Recovering from ihatesundaysyndrome,

Jane