missed headlines

Recently I have been thinking a lot - overthinking in true Jane form.

Forcing things to go the way I want, creating expectations people will never meet, and giving up on boys who bother me after the first date.

I have a story about impulsiveness, patience, and hyper-fixating on the wrong things.

It was around 2012, I was with my Pop-Pops, my sister, and my younger cousin. He took the oldest three girls out to Goddard Park, which is a large park around the corner of my house.

One section of Goddard Park has some horse stables and you can ride around a very small training area with an instructor. Pop-Pops was excited to show us the horses, and even more excited to tell us we all could get a turn to ride.

He asked who wanted to go first, and of course, that question was a no-brainer. I said, loud and proud, "ME, I am the oldest!" - a title I was never afraid to claim.

I took my turn and rode around the small training pen, smiling ear to ear. I was fully in it—gloating a little, too.

My time on the horse ended, and Katie geared up to take her turn. My cousin was preparing for hers next.

But first, midway through Katie's turn, the news shows up.

I mean, it was just the local news, but I was appalled. Of course Katie's picture gets taken and then my cousin's as well.

I am utterly pissed. Why was I so stubborn about going first? Why did I think I was owed that position? I was frustrated with myself. It was one of those weird moments where I knew I would never forget it.

To this day, when someone asks to pick a seat, a place in line, or a turn, I like to fall into line instead of creating it because I think it works out better that way. A superstitious habit that I do not foresee myself changing.

Anyways, these pictures get taken and the girls are beaming over their five minutes of fame while I held in some anger and just hoped the pictures would never make the cut.

Well, my Pops was always reading the newspaper. Actually, he was always reading in general. My Vovo could not get him enough books and there was not enough space on his bookshelves. He quite literally had a library surrounding him at all times.

He was an avid newspaper reader - and anything remotely similar to our interests was cut out by him, sometimes laminated and always dropped off in our mailboxes, in piles next to his chair, or sent home in an envelope with my name on it hand delivered by my dad.

Pops was always passing on some knowledge or information.

Well, of course, the day after our horse adventure, Pops got the paper and you guessed it - they made the cover. Large pictures of them on the horses. Front page.

Cut, laminated and in my mailbox by noon that day.

I never heard the end of it.

If only I had stopped rushing - stopped being impulsive, bossy, or a smart-ass.

I am still working on these habits. And it is harder to fix than you would think.

I think for greatness to enter into our lives we need to quit hyper-fixating on the narrative we created and quit controlling everything.

I really think this is a common theme with relationships as well. Over-analyzing a text, waiting for a phone call, taking an inch and creating a mile.

I am working on believing people when they show me who they are. Not making up excuses for them.

My roommate always says, "If it's difficult to find the right words, then it's probably not worth saying anything."

Maybe certain things are better left unsaid or left uncontested for.

I am SO not used to doing this, but it has been great practice.

I hate leaving things up to faith, but sometimes, all we can do is let the world happen to us.

After all, patience can lead you to the front cover of a newspaper and fighting your way to be first may come with nothing to show for it.

Sometimes the moments we rush past end up becoming the headlines we miss.

Things are aligning in ways you cannot imagine, and maybe the point is not to race to the front, but to trust that your moment will find you anyway - slowing down just makes room for it.

So, let life happen. Embrace opportunities, first dates, the wrong meal at dinner that you may end up liking more, let your roomie pick the movie of choice, and maybe let someone cut you in line.

Let it happen.

Never been featured in the East Greenwich Daily News,

Jane